Pregnancy: Week 17

I say “our” because the reality is that we are both busy with the fast approaching birth of our 3rd son. My original intent was to start recording the weeks when we found out my wife was pregnant but… I’m a slacker by nature and work has been a pain in the butt.

So here we are, week 17 and things are going well. My wife (Toni) is past the morning sickness stages and has only experienced a few days of not feeling well. Her stomach is really starting to show now, and she looks great. She’s been taking great care of herself and I am proud of her. She is doing much better than I am!

I still have a long way to go before I know what the heck to do once the baby is here. I’m reading books and trying to take in as much information as I can but jeez… there is SO MUCH! I thought this was going to be easy. Here is a list of things I didn’t know:

You can’t give a baby honey.
You can’t give them peanut butter
You have to wash them non-stop
I have to cut the umbilical cord (gross!!!!)
I don’t have to cut the other part of him down there a few days later…. thank god.
What’s left of the cord turns into a black disgusting knot of flesh that will fall off and eventually become a belly button. I thought it was a “one cut and done” deal. Ugh.
I can’t leave the baby alone for ONE SECOND. Even while going to the bathroom.
I have no idea how to change a diaper, I assume that’s gonna change quickly.

During the course of telling my wife all of this she looks at me and wonders why she married a complete retard. The look on her face is priceless.

At least I am not the only male in the house without a clue. I was talking to my 12 year old son about the pregnancy and how it all works, what happens during birth, etc. and that’s when we hit a rough spot in the road. He thought that a woman gives birth through her, uh, bottom.

You have no idea how difficult it was to keep from exploding into laughter.